A Dozen Reasons Why Making a Sweater is Terrifying

With winter now officially here in Alberta in spite of the calendar - don't you think Winter is a little greedy demanding more than it's allotted three months? - it's time to make sweaters!

Stop gasping. Okay, grabbing your throat and convulsing on the floor is going a bit extreme, don't you think?

I came across one woman on Facebook who claimed she was terrified to make a sweater which made me wonder what she was so terrified about. My very first knitting project was a sweater that I had to adjust because the needles I had didn't give me the correct gauge.

So after some serious contemplation, I've come up with the following reasons why making a sweater is a terrifying proposition.

1. During your attempts to make one, your yarn will rise up, curl around you and strangle you to death.
2. Your needles will revolt. They will leave your hands, levitate upwards, turn around, and stab you in the chest.
3. Your family will form a circle, hold hands, and dance around you singing "ring around the failure". 
4. Making a sweater will unlock the door to the zombie apocalypse. Finishing a sweater will unlock the doors to all the other apocalypses. 
5. Your other sweaters will get jealous and hide your underwear.
6. Your lovely affectionate cat will turn into a ninja that hides in dark places and pounces on you with nine inch claws and two rows of ten inch teeth.
7. Making a sweater will cause your significant other to leave you, your children to become drug addicts, that crazy guy in the states to become president, and your cookies to burn. 
8. After you've completed your sweater your leftover yarn will stare at you. So you decide to use it to make a matching hat. When you are near the end you will run out of yarn which will cause a stop at your LYS. There you will discover that the yarn is no longer available - or even worse - you will discover that it is. You will buy it, go home and make your hat. With the leftover yarn from the hat you will decide to make a matching cowl only to discover when you're nearly finished that you've run out of yarn, so you make a trip to the LYS. After purchasing yarn you go home to make your cowl. With the leftover yarn you will start to make matching mittens. When you are nearly finished, you will run out of yarn so you will go to the LYS...
9. Buying the same yarn over and over again causes you to pull your hair out of your head.
10. Now you have to use your yarn money to buy a wig.
11. If your sweater is a disaster you will still insist on wearing it because you spent all that time and money on it. You will model it defiantly proud while your family and friends say things like, "It's interesting." "You really worked hard on that." "Good for you for finishing that project." "Have you ever considered taking up airplane flying?"
12. If your sweater ends up being beautiful and fits you to perfection making you look slimmer and your breasts look perkier, your hair shinier and your skin glow like you've been touched by an angel, something even worse will happen. Your family and friends will all demand that you make them one too. 

So guess what we have in store for you this week? Sweater yarn in glorious colors! Jewel tones, fall colors, and neutrals. Of course you could decide to not make a sweater and just stick to scarves, hats and mitts. That's okay too. But come on. I dare you.

75% OFF SALE

PATONS CLASSIC WOOL BULKY

100% wool 71 m/78y

We have one copy of this publication! Which
means there may be serious knitting needle
fights and death threats by crochet hook over it.

Regular Price: $9.00

Sale Price: $2.25

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who defies the reasons and makes sweaters anyway because I don't know the meaning of  too complicated)

When Your Family Says ENOUGH!

As I write this, Alberta is being given an early unwanted Christmas present.

The leaves aren't even off the trees and we're already getting the white stuff. And I don't mean fields of cotton or dandelion fluff.

So for those of you concerned about the welfare of your trees and toys, there is the perfect solution.

You can knit or crochet them: SWEATERS!

Start off small and protect your bike. Not only
will it keep it warm, but what thief will
want to be seen riding it?

A granny square afghan complete with tire
socks.

A lovely crocheted evening gown for a chilly night out.

Ask your friends to make pom poms for your car!
We have the pom pom makers.

Don't forget about making something for your
double decker bus. Especially if it's more used
to rainy coastal weather rather than Alberta snow.

The train in your backyard could use some love too. It will
get the message that it can no matter what hills it has
to climb.

Monster benches! If you sit on it the right way, it will
look like your bench is eating you. Great way to
scare the kids.

Your Tardis will thank you for the extra
warmth as it hurtles you through
time and space. Outer space can
get a little chilly.

Stairs get cold and slippery too, so don't
forget to offer them a blanket of warmth.
A cup of coffee might be nice too.

Your husband will love the Christmas gift of a coat for his
backyard tank. Now when he invades other neighborhoods
he can do it in style.

The lovely tree that gives you blossoms in the spring,
shade in the summer, and fruit in the fall, will
appreciate a little love in the winter.

 So have I inspired you?

This week we're offering you something not wintry because if we pretend it doesn't exist it will go away. Ribbon yarn! You can knit or crochet shawls and other simple garments. The secret is to have a loose gauge, so use larger needles or hooks. You can also use ribbon yarns in Christmas ornaments and decor or as trims to other projects.

Great idea for a shawl. Gather together those bits of yarn, novelty skeins, fabric strips from saris, and other fun stuff (including this week's special). Don't worry about matching thicknesses. Knit or crochet one row leaving long strips on either side for fringe. Then knit another row of something else. You will end up with a fringed shawl. Make sure you finish your fringe with knots to secure the ends. Knot two or more yarns together. If you want you can do several rows of these by staggering your knots.  Something like this...

If you need more direction, you can use any simple shawl pattern, or you can do a Las Vegas shawl. For that you need 6 yarns or families of yarn, a die and a coin. Number each of your yarns 1-6. Now roll the die, That's your yarn. Toss the coin. Heads is knit, tails is purl. If you want to use more yarns you could choose 12 different ones and use two dice. You can also just skip the coin and choose to use garter stitch. If you want ambiance, you can crank up the air conditioning, lower the lights and have neon bulbs flashing at you while the sounds of winning bells go off in the background. To really get in the mood, don an Elvis costume or decorate Elvis style.

Crochet your own Elvis wig

Or make your own Elvis doll

Sure people will think you're nuts. But who cares? You're knitting, and you're happy, and you have something to show for it when you're done - like all your hair while others are ripping out theirs.

Oh yeah, did I mention that knitting and crocheting are the perfect remedy for stress and winter?

75% OFF SALE

Dolce 

(it means sweet in Italian)

100% Polyamid

50 g/85 m/93 y Ribbon

Regular Price: $3.50

Sale Price: 88¢ 

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who isn't happy about that winter comes before Thanksgiving.)

How Knitting and Spinning Created a Country and Led to a Revolution

Way back when the U.S. wasn't the US and instead was just thirteen colonies and didn't sing the Star Spangled Banner, and there wasn't a west to be won, they were still paying taxes to England and getting nothing in return. So a group of women got together, named themselves The Daughters of Liberty, stuck their thumbs on the end of their nose and waved their fingers across the ocean to the King while saying "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, we're not buying from you anymore!"

Then they produced their own tea using local herbs which they called Liberty Tea and they spun and wove their own fabrics. They organized spinning bees to make goods for sale, because it's way more fun to spin with your friends than to spin alone as anyone knows who has taken a spinning class.  To bring attention to their cause they held spinning contests in the village squares which the whole town would attend. So while the women sat down at spinning wheels making usable yarns, the men and children stared up at the sky and spun around in circles until they fell down because that's fun.

 The Daughters of Liberty refused to buy goods from England and store keepers - many of them women - no longer carried British goods.

During the war they made uniforms, bullets, and socks. Note: the bullets were not made from the same materials as the uniforms and socks.

Plus, Deborah Sampson  and Mary Ludwig Hays McCauley (nicknamed Mary Pitcher) served as soldiers on the battlefield. Deborah went undercover as a man but Mary after bringing water to men rolled up her sleeves when her husband was injured and said "I'm taking his place" and she did.

And this little nugget from Sew Steamboat Blogs

There is even a story about “Old Mom Rinker” a fierce patriot who would pick up bits of British military information overheard by her family while tending a tavern.  She would write messages for General Washington, encase them inside a ball of knitting yarn and while knitting innocently on a hill outside of town, she would drop the balls of yarn as loyal soldiers passed below, who retrieved  them and took valuable intelligence directly to the General. 

I bet you didn't know you could use your stash as subversive acts against the government. Point that out to your husband next time he complains about it.

Besides helping to create a new country their actions started another revolution.

From Wikepedia 

The Daughters of Liberty also used the influence of the Revolutionary War to their advantage. Prior to the Revolutionary War, women were submissive and were almost considered to be slaves to their husbands. Following the war, women in America felt a newfound sense of freedom, not only from British control of the United States but from males within the country. Women began to take part in political discussions within households, and even began to entertain the ideas of separating from their husbands. The war helped to inspire the Daughters of Liberty to also become Revolutionary Women.

Samuel Adams is often quoted as referring to the Daughters of Liberty by saying "With the ladies on our side, we can make every Tory tremble.

So the next time someone scoffs at your knitting, crocheting, weaving and sewing, often dismissing it as "women's work" or "a silly craft" tell them that women have been making important political statements using "women's textile work" as their platform, leading to women's equality - which we're still fighting for today. You too can stick your thumb on the end of your nose and say "nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I'm part of a revolution."

Did you know that our very own Margaret is a marathon runner? Nice segue, I know. The reason I bring this up is because  Katherine Switzer was the first woman to run the Boston marathon in 1967. 1967! Good grief it happened so long after women got the right to vote, you would think she wanted to run for president or something. You can read about her experience here. Katherine Switzer. She endured physical and verbal attacks by men - including her own boyfriend - during the race. As an added bonus, know that medical doctors claimed that running would hurt a woman's internal organs. Yes, 1967. Some of us were alive then.

Sigh, the things we women have to endure to be taken seriously. Note: I am not mentioning at all  the current political situation in the U.S. Not at all.

Now if Katherine had been knitting while running that would have been absolutely amazing, as in Wonder Woman amazing, although I think a little too much to ask. Margaret says that when she walked to work in Calgary she used to knit while walking. I find that amazing too. I would probably fall and stab myself in the chest if I tried.

So why am I talking about things that happened in American History specifically in Massachusetts?

It relates to this week's sale.

75% OFF SALE

SCHACHENMAYR 

BOSTON MIX

84% acrylic, 16% wool

100 g/ 110 m/ 120 y Chunky (5)

Free pattern on ball band

Regular Price: $13.00

Sale Price: $3.25

Get the connection?

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who does not have nor plans to put marathon running or being a soldier on her bucket list but admires women who do those things.)

And You Thought You Knew Us

This is really really true!

The ladies at the Crafty Lady are a creative bunch, and not just as knitters.

Lori our esteemed leader and grand poobah not only designs her own knitted and crocheted designs which you can buy in the store or on Ravelry, but she also plays the piano and organ for her church, sings in a choir in Red Deer, and creates Renaissance costumes. And she can do that all at the same time while talking to her cat Myles on the phone.

Margaret is a textile artist. She makes art quilts which get to travel around the world to more places than she has been. They've sipped wine in Paris under the Eiffel tower, had tea outside of Big Ben in England, and walked on the great wall of China while she is still at home in central Alberta. She's been showcased in numerous shows and is currently preparing for an installation here in Lacombe based around her Mark on the Body. This is pretty exciting for her and I'll write more about that as the opening gets closer. She is also part of a trio that sings in her church during Sunday services. She too has her cat Pookie who gives her good grounding lest she gets carried away by how great an artist she is.

But this post is about me. Well, not really. Sort of.

I'm a professional published writer/novelist, and an amateur actor, director and public speaker. I have no cat because I had a bunch of people instead and don't want a cat calling me on the phone meowing at me to come home. I'm working on two different productions which looked easy on paper but involves a fair bit more juggling than I'm capable of. Especially if I have to be at two rehearsals in two different cities at the same time. By the way, I can juggle three evenly weighted and sized balls but not for long. It's amused the kids when I pick up three oranges or apples and proceed to throw fruit around the room. Not the most efficient way of making fruit salad, but a good deal more fun.

Anyway, one project has proven dear to my heart. It tells four stories of five Red Deer refugees in story, dance, music, art and film. I co-wrote and directed one of the stories and I'm acting in another and I even recruited my dancer daughter to perform because that's what proud mamas do.

I have had a wonderful opportunity to meet other creative artists and most importantly to hear the varied stories of these five people who come from four different countries at four different times in recent history. This show is about a child soldier from Africa, a rug weaver and father from Afghanistan, a young girl from Croatia, and a mother and daughter from Uruguay. The production has also recently added an aboriginal woman telling her story of being a refugee in her own country and the horrors that the Canadian government has perpetrated on the native people. All of these people are actively involved in telling their own stories.

My own father was a refugee. When he was a child he escaped the Soviet Union and found a home in Finland. When he grew up he immigrated to Canada. So I connect to these people not as having experienced the same things, but as the child of a man who suffered great atrocities from his home country and had to run.

It's been a whirlwind of trying to integrate various media into each story and it has taxed my directing abilities. I am capable of directing actors, but I've been asked to make technical decisions about things I know nothing about. Kind of like being a mom.

But that's what the creative process is. It's about trying new things, being willing to fail - sometimes in front of others, learning new skills, and meeting interesting people. Stretching ourselves and our abilities can be painful and exhausting, but overall even if we fail at the project, we haven't failed if we've learned something along the way. And if we succeed then we are more capable and more willing to go to the next step. True failure comes in not trying.

So the next time you look at a pattern and wonder if you can do it, give it a try anyway. What's the worst that could happen? Really, seriously. We're talking about yarn here which can be undone and used for something else - like tying up your children (if you tell them you're playing cops and robbers they'll think it's fun). Nothing bad happens unless you turn your knitting needles into weapons. No yarn devils come and torment you with your yarn. Your yarn doesn't suddenly come to life, twine itself up your body and choke you to death. Your mother-in-law will not taunt you about that failure unless you've told her. So jump right into that multi-colored, multi-cabled, and lacy adult onesie. It will be okay.

Oh, before I forget. Come see the show. It's free! How often do you get to see free theater? Saturday, October 1 7:00 pm at the Welikoklad Theater in Downtown Red Deer (that's the old movie theater). That's this Saturday folks!

None of this has led into the yarn sale this week. I usually tie it in. Okay, here it is. Take advantage of the twilight. Enjoy the moments after your hectic day to put your feet up and relax, look at the stars, cuddle a loved one, put aside your worries. If you've had a creative day then you can put it aside. If you haven't then this is the time to dream and create. Now is the chance to balance yourself, to eat good food, wear comfortable clothes, knit, or do another favorite hobby, and embrace the part of yourself that you don't show to your work world. Now if I could only follow that advice I would remember to take my medication.

75% OFF SALE

RED HEART TWILIGHT

61% acrylic, 25% nylon, 9% polyester, 5% metallic

59 y/54 m/100 g Super Bulky (6)

Free one ball pattern on ball band. More free
patterns online.

Regular Price: $5.70

Sale Price: $1.42

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who has been so busy that the phrase "whirling dervish" comes to mind although I have no idea what a dervish is and if it can be turned into the verb "dervishing")

Froggit Strikes Again

You know when you start a new ball of yarn and you want to pull from the center, only sometimes when you do you end up with a huge yarn barf, so you roll your eyes, sigh, and untangle it before you begin. 

I had one in the middle. Right in the middle of a sock I was working on. A fake fair isle second sock which meant that if I cut it I would have to unwind a lot of yarn to get to another end so that my socks would match.

And this barf was nasty. I swear that Froggit, Rippit and Gurr snuck inside that ball and had a wild drunken party using my yarn like silly string. And they waited until I had already started that sock. If you have no idea who Froggit, Rippit and Gurr are, you can read about them here. When You Need a Hero 

Of course, Captain Knit Wit and his crew were nowhere to be found to save the day.

I could have been finished that sock days ago. But nope. I spent that time unraveling the evil that had been inflicted on my yarn. It was worse than untangling Christmas lights.

It's certainly not the first time that I've been sidetracked or completely defeated. I already wrote about Dr. Who stealing my sweater. You can read about that here. Dr. Who Stole My Sweater Now before someone points out that Dr. Who is not his name, I want to point out that if I just said "The Doctor" many wouldn't know if I meant Marcus Welby, George Clooney, or McDreamy.

There was also that time when I was working on a lovely cabled sweater and my three year old daughter found my embroidery scissors and decided to turn it into artistic lace. A few years later she did it again to a cross stitch picture I was working on, and a cross stitch afghan. The cross stitch afghan was saved by an embroidered heart which I had to repeat in various places throughout the afghan. That child did live to adulthood and is married now. I have put a curse on her that she will have a child that will do something similar to her. Hey it worked before.  One of my other daughters has kids who drew on walls. Heh, heh, heh. 

So I would love to know what kind of mishaps you have had while creating your marvelous wonders. Please post them here and we can all commiserate with each other.

This week's sale is a yarn that includes a pattern using only 1 ball! Think quick to make Christmas presents. Now's the time to stock up. Where else can you get materials to make a gift at this price? Sure, they could call you cheap, but they will never know.

75% OFF SALE

RED HEART BOUTIQUE INFINITY

67% Acrylic, 16% Polyester, 11% Wool, 6% Nylon

129 y/ 118 m/ 100g Chunky (5)

Free pattern on ball band

Regular Price: $7.10

Sale Price: $1.78

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who loves logic problems but no so much when they're presented in the form of tangled and knotted yarn).

When Summer Ends and the Season of Knitting Returns

It isn't the kids going off to school, the color changing leaves, the cooler weather, pumpkin spice everything, or a date on the calendar that announces the end of summer.

Nope. It's none of these things.

The end of summer happens when Summer Drink Days are over at McDonalds.

This is what happens when you go through
self-imposed summer knitting withdrawal
and you return to knitting in the fall.

For the entire summer you could get an iced coffee or a fountain drink for a dollar. But no more.

It makes me sad.

I was sitting in the drive through waiting for my full priced iced coffee and my pumpkin spice muffin when I realized, they put boulders along the boundaries to prevent cars from driving away. I was trapped! If a fire breathing dragon, a monsoon or a psycho driver on a murder spree suddenly came along, I wouldn't be able to get out of the way.

One more thing to worry about.

I've been binge watching Supernatural while I knit. It's a show where often people and monsters get impaled on things with help from demons or two demon fighting pretty boys who are not young enough to be my sons so it's okay if I drool. The other day I was alone in the store, and I was putting up rows and rows of straight metal hooks we use to hang skeins of yarn and I couldn't help looking over my shoulder to be sure that some supernatural being wasn't going to impale me by somehow making it look like an accident - like tripping over a basket and falling into the wall.

I think about these things.

I actually like autumn. I like colored leaves, pumpkin spice everything and sweater weather. I just don't like the evil specter of winter hanging over it.

Apparently someone's mother was so happy that school was
back in session that she made a sweater for the bus.

One nice thing about autumn is that knitting starts to become respectable again. People think you don't understand the meaning of life if you knit in the summer, because summer is for gardening, swimming, and sleeping outside on the hard ground while spending money to pretend to be a homeless person.

But in autumn people admire that finely stitched sweater, those neon socks, that cozy hat and scarf set, the lace shawl, the practical dishcloths and even that weird mermaid blanket that everyone is doing even though it means if there's a fire you'll get up, get tangled in your tail and sprawl flat on your face while everything burns around you. (Note: in spite of what you have heard, mermaid blankets do not automatically improve your swimming abilities on dry land).

Of course you don't have to tell them you've been working on those exquisite creations all summer. They don't have to know that the full length intarsia cape didn't spring up over night and is imbued with blood, sweat, tears and a few choice swear words.

To bring in the fall we have a sale on lovely autumn yarn. There's enough here for sweaters, scarves, hats, mermaid tails, and even a supernatural hex bag because you just never know when a monster might want to impale you on a sharp object in your home or at work.

Yes, I think about these things. Now I'm sharing with you.

75% OFF SALE

Araucania Quillay

57% superwash wool, 43% acrylic

194y/177m, aran (4)

Regular Price: $13.00

Sale Price: $3.25

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who wishes that dollar days could be all year long, that winter didn't have to hang menacingly around,  and that the pretty boys from Supernatural could supernaturally climb out from the TV into my living room and spend time with me. Yes, I think about these things.).

Your Monday Morning Workout With Party to Follow

We're going to be at the Creative Stitches Show in Edmonton this week!

Everybody put your arms up in the air and say Yayyyyy!

Now, I will admit that the name "Creative Stitches" has me a bit puzzled.

Why? You ask.

Because half of the show is scrapbookers.

I've done scrapbooking. I don't recall stitching anything. There was lots of cutting and gluing and stickers and punches and writing, but no stitching.

Now, knitting, crocheting, sewing, quilting and all kinds of needlework require stitches. Even surgical procedures require stitches. But if someone could explain to me how scrapbooking fits in with stitching...well then I am authorized to give you a bottle of fragrant SOAK - a mild soap perfect for your delicate silks and your wild woolies. (Hold up bottle next to face and smile so everyone can see the label. Now wave hand underneath product). See Lori can't handle fragrance anything and she won't even let me open the bottles to smell them even though I love fragrances. So she tortures me by saying "you can't smell them but you can give them away - just not to yourself."

While Lori and Margaret are at the Creative Stitches show, the store is still open and I am here.

Everybody put your arms up in the air and say "Yayyyy!"

You now have two, count that two, places on two weekends to buy from us.

Everybody put up your arms and say "Yayyyy!"

Okay, now that you've been good and done your workout, come to the shows or the store, and tell us that you read the blog and we'll all do the hokey pokey together. Frankly I am giggling at the thought of Lori, Margaret and Lori's mom Muriel, doing the hokey pokey in the middle of the Creative Stitches Show. Hey, the scrapbookers are at the Creative Stitches Show making a lot of noise and having a lot of fun and they don't even stitch anything. Why can't we?

So don't let me down. I want to see pictures of the gang at the shows doing the hokey pokey.

Everybody party. Put your arms up in the air and say "Yayyy!"

This week's sale is very soft and cuddly and fuzzy. And yes, you can shout Yayyy for that too.

75% OFF

Berroco Kodiak

61% Baby Alpaca, 24% Nylon,15% Merino Wool

50g/125y/115m

Regular Price: $19.00

Sale Price: $4.75

Posted by Anna Maria Junus (happy employee who doesn't want to do the hokey pokey all by herself while fragrant yarn soap languishes)